Friday, October 30, 2009

Down about breaking up.

We've all been through break ups, well most of us have at least. There are those lucky ones who find their match first try. Good for them, but I am still searching.
I like to think of myself as a strong person who can handle a lot of things. Who doesn't though? The truth is, I am a woman, and on top of that mess, I am a Cancer. I don't know if you read much into astrology and such, but I have gotten hooked. I don't read my daily horoscope or get too far into it, but I am huge on compatibility and how your sign dictates your personality. You may be thinking this is all a bunch of crap, but I swear it isn't. The Cancerian description, is me almost to a T! The Aquarian description fits C to a T! So what does this have to do with break ups? Well C, is now my ex and it couldn't have happened at a more coincidental time. I was having girls night at his apartment with my best friend and another roommate and we got on the topic of signs and relationship compatibility. Thankfully for the other ladies I was with, all of their relationships are in good hands when it comes to this. Mine read more like warning sign and told a tale of troubled seas. Not long after I left the room, I was met with a storm on open water and S.O.S couldn't have done me any good. As a Cancer, I am moody (x1000) and I have a hard shell. I may be a softy on the inside, but getting through my shell is a challenge. I need constant reassurance and affection and I love to nurture others. Aquarius is a friendly sign, but just that, friendly. Impossible to tie down and always putting friends(hip) first. Adventurous and needing ones own space also characterize this sign. Seeing the problem? Without boring the blogosphere with details of my break up, I should probably be telling myself, "I told you so". I saw this coming before we even got together, but it didn't make it any easier.
So how can a break up be easy? I'm not sure it really can be unless it is clean as a whistle and completely mutual, but how often does that fairy tale ending happen? Can exes truly be good friends after? How long should you wait until approaching that territory? What about break up sex? Can you ever give it a second shot? OH GOD THE QUESTIONS!!!!
I think the best thing after a break up is definitely space and cutting off communication for a while. Don't "like" his/her Facebook posts or @reply their tweets. Forget about texting (especially with alcohol/drugs involved) and that phone call to check up on him/her is beyond unnecessary. But wait, what if they contact you? Doesn't that mean they want you back and can't live without you? No. It most likely means they are just as lonely and horny as you and comfort sent them your way. Jumping back into their arms for a chitchat or sex is probably the worst idea I've heard. Think about this, you broke up for a reason, regardless of who initiated it, and the ballgame has changed. The sex may still be as great as before and they may still be able to make you laugh so hard you cry, but there was that point however long ago that someone was hurt and the decision was made that you were better off apart. That's a pretty big earthquake on the dating plain.
He says, "We're going to stay friends, you've always been great to me."
You're thinking:
A. "HELL NO! I am not ever speaking to you again!"
B. "Yeah, friends, this means I can win him over again when he's had time!"
C. "Yeah we'll see how long that lasts."
I usually opt for A, but I then switch my mindset to C. I'm not very optimistic about the friend card, mainly because I never see it work. I've tried it and it either ends up in giving things a second (failed) chance, awkward hookups, or jealousy of the new girl. None of those are fun and I'd really rather avoid them, wouldn't you? I would love to be friends with my exes, especially C, but usually the idea of seeing them with a new love shatters all of that. In my situation now, I can't avoid the friend card if I had to to save my life. I am just lucky enough that he lives with my group of friends, convenient right? Well it was when we dated, now I don't know how it will play out. I can't/won't avoid him; I'm an adult for Christ's sake. But I can't say I'm going to enjoy drunkenly passing out on the couch when I'm used to having a bed and a warm body to fall asleep to.
This brings me back to the space thing. If you can't resist that stupid comment on his picture or the text "just saying hey!", keep physical space. Think of it like there is a restraining order and your heart will spontaneously combust when too close. I know in my little dilemma, I will end up being a hypocrite regarding this piece of advice, but not by choice. I went to the apartment tonight actually (Flash Forward was on and I don't have a tv) and I was slightly uncomfortable and made sure to leave before he got there. Awesome. But really, in general, don't do it. You will regret it, maybe even cry, and I'll be here to pat your hand and say "I told you so"
Now I think I really wrote this as a guideline for myself. I will probably break a lot of my own rules and be that stupid girl. But so far I'm doing good. The only contact we have had has been playing our game of Scrabble (via iphone) and he liked my Facebook status. I think this has a lot to do with me finishing "He's Just Not That Into You" on the day I was dumped. Day one, success. We'll see how day two goes.
But to anyone reading my ramblings and/or dealing with heartbreak, remember that you are worth more than the loser who dumped you. You don't need to go back to them because you will find better. Your heart may hurt, but don't ever let them know. And lastly, if you really need sex that bad, go to any bar in your town and bat your eyelashes a little (just remember to use a condom and don't stay the night).


kimmy. said...

Out of everyone, I know about breaking up all to well, which you've witnessed that first hand seeing you've been one of my good friends for years & my go to girl when I knew I needed someone to talk to. I just want you to know, that I love and miss you dearly and if you ever need anything, and honestly anything, no matter what time it is or what I'm doing, I am ALWAYS going to be here for you. We've grown apart in the last 2 years and that's expected, you've moved away twice and we just aren't the same girls who used to go to east146 shows anymore, LOL! But I do love you to pieces, you have been the ONLY person/friend in my life that has never let me down. So remember, no matter what, I'm here for you. =)

Anonymous said...

We have so much in common, boo.

You're worth so much, imo and we already talked about this and I don't think he deserves you. You're awesome.

PS, Maria and I were talking about horoscope compatibility on Friday! I wish you had hung out with us because it would have been super useful having you there.

I'm a Cancer too and Maria is an Aquarius but we've always gotten along awesomely.


LoloRenee said...

Kim, thanks. I love and miss you too. It's a shame we kind of lost touch after a while but I still think of you as a good friend.

Mersiha, I wish I could have been there too. I geek out on astrology shit. See you this week?